Top Ten Reasons to Attend the Global Gathering
By Sam Collins
10. If global warming raises ocean levels, Anderson, Indiana, could be the only high ground left on the North American continent by the summer of 2013.
9. Your Global Gathering versus Stay-at-Home Options: A fellowship picnic featuring conversations with dedicated Christians from diverse cultures or a review of the Chicago Cubs World Series prospects (slim to none) over a fast food burger resembling an incinerated hockey puck.
8. Learn to safely and accurately pronounce given names and surnames that otherwise could put your tongue in traction for up to six weeks.
7. If you’re not home, you’ll have a good excuse for not responding when religious cult members and aluminum siding peddlers ring the doorbell.
6. Make Your Choice: Listen to fresh stories of effective ministry from around the globe or the 437th detailed retelling of Uncle Mort’s ingrown toenail procedure.
5. In June, Anderson looks more like Paris (Kentucky?) than at any other time of the year.
4. Select Your Preference: Your picture taken with a new friend from the other side of the world or with Penelope the prize sow at the annual Tristate Pork and Poultry Fair.
3. Like Goldilocks, sit in a chair that’s just right—firm enough to keep you alert, comfy enough not to necessitate a trip to the chiropractor.
2. Alternative Possibilities: Share testimonies with Church of God leaders from around the world or stay home with access to three cable stations offering Two and a Half Men reruns and infomercials featuring Donald Trump’s secret comb-over tips.
1. Take advantage of a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to experience firsthand the worldwide reach and impact of the Church of God—a life-changing event you can someday talk about with your children, grandchildren, siblings, distant cousins twice removed, insurance agents, co-workers, and delivery kids who throw your newspapers into bushes and mud puddles.
Sam Collins is the Adult curriculum and Pathways to God editor at Church of God Ministries.